Guest Commentary

Freedom of Religion Ends Where Child Abuse Begins

by Brother William

Lost in the debate over marriage equality and the issue of churches pouring millions into the California campaign to take away same-sex couples' right to marry is the issue of harm to children. I do not mean merely the children of same-sex couples, although they are surely adversely affected by the revision Proposition 8 wrote into the California State Constitution. The California Supreme Court may still do the right thing and overturn this enshrinement of bigotry into a document meant to guarantee not to take away civil rights. I refer rather to the children who are being harmed right now in churches, synagogues, mosques, or temples that preach anti-gay messages. Although Americans like to imagine that children are sexless, despite decades of psychological evidence that sexuality is clearly present even in infants, the fact is every gay adult started out life as a gay child, and most of us are the product of a heterosexual union.

Precious few are the enlightened parents who wish for gay children, being ignorant of the special blessings that come with a gay identity along with the challenges. At least some families come to accept the fact after a process that resembles Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's stages of grief. But who asks about the effect of this blatant rejection on children? Who will speak out to protect gay children who grow up being taught that their same-sex desires will not only estrange them from their parents and families, on whom they depend for life, but will also cast them into a lake of fire and torment for all eternity? Don't think for a minute that children do not hear these messages or experience terrible fear and self-hatred because of them. Imagine being a child who desires to be "the best little boy" or "best little girl" in the world, but whose very nature negates, according to these religions, every righteous act of obedience to parents, God, and country and resists even the most torturous attempts to stamp it out. It is no wonder that so many gay children attempt suicide. These alarming statistics that help demonstrate the deadly effect of homophobia on children are available on the Trevor Project web site:

• Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth are up to four times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers (Massachusetts 2006 Youth Risk Survey).
• Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth who come from a rejecting family are up to nine times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers (2007 San Francisco State University Chavez Center Institute).
• For every completed suicide by a young person, it is estimated that 100 to 200 attempts are made (2003 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey).

Freedom of religion clearly must end where the abuse of children begins. Just as parents cannot legally deny life-saving medical interventions to their children in need even if their religion requires that of them, the parents of gay children should not be able to subject them to the emotional and developmental harm that occurs when their gay children hear these hateful messages telling them they are not worthy of even God's compassion. Since the child even may not become fully aware of his or her gay identity until some time during adolescence, it is nearly impossible to distinguish which children will grow up gay and which will not. Therefore, the only sane, compassionate policy for anyone who truly cares about the welfare of all children must be to stop preaching anti-gay messages and stop supporting anti-gay propositions no matter how they are dressed up in pious-sounding language or using the failed argument of tradition. Common decency demands no less.

What if tens of thousands of gay adults who were emotionally abused by the preachers of hate in their various religions decided to accuse their tormentors of the crime of child abuse inflicted on them as children? There is no statute of limitations on child-abuse reporting or prosecution, as we have seen in multiple cases of sexual abuse inflicted on children by Catholic priests decades ago. Clearly the law would have to side with the welfare of our children over the religious convictions of their parents and preachers. Churches would have to spend millions to defend themselves from these allegations of abuse.

Maybe only this seemingly drastic action would finally awaken the public to the terrible child abuse that goes on with the sanction of nearly every religion every day right in our midst. Maybe then pastoral counselors and therapists like myself would no longer have to help heal the deep psychic wounds inflicted by homophobic preachers and organizations suffered by the gay adults we serve. Maybe those children who do not have the good fortune to grow up gay will view their gay peers as part of the amazing diversity evident in all species on this planet and be freed of the destructive illusion that persecuting others is sanctioned by God. When children say, ”Tommy Is gay,“ with the same nonchalance that they might say, ”Tommy is left-handed,“ we as a society will have become more decent, for as Spain's Prime Minister, Jose Luis Zapatero, said upon signing marriage equality into Spanish law, ”…a decent society is one that does not humiliate its members.” A decent society is also one that does not stand by silently watching as its children are brutally abused.

I have created a special group on Yahoo for those who experienced emotional or other abuse because of anti-gay policies or sermons to post and share their personal stories. This can be one step toward healing oneself as well as a way to begin educating the public about this horrendous abuse of children that continues to wound the coming generation. Those who have been in a relationship with a gay person abused by anti-gay preaching are also invited to post their observations of the lingering effects of this emotional abuse. Here's the link:  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StopAbuseOfGayKids/.

Brother William is founder & spiritual director of Ashram West, A Gay Spiritual Community ~ www.gaytantra.org